If you're into hypochondria, science (and WebMD) offers you ample opportunities to believe that almost every little daily inconvenience is a potential indicator of a horrific underlying disease. Well, we don't intend for this article to feed anyone's paranoia; we just want to point out that our bodies are confusing boondoggles of organs, designed by a madman. That means that trying to connect specific symptoms to specific diseases can lead you down a path to madness.
For example ...
#6. Your Reaction To A Specific Optical Illusion May Indicate Schizophrenia
Astova/iStock/Getty Images
The hollow mask illusion is a feat of optical witchcraft that tricks your brain into thinking that the inside of a rotating mask is exactly like the outside -- a face with protruding features. Here, give it a try. We'll wait.
Youtube.com/LoveDigitalPhotography
For the screaming to stop.
That was awesome, right? It looks like a regular face, and then it turns out it was only the inside of the ma-- wait, you're saying it didn't fool you for a second? Well ... we don't want to alarm you, but...
Collaborators from the Hannover Medical School in Germany and the UK's UCL Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience found that there is a very specific subgroup of people who are totally immune to the cerebral fuckery of the hollow mask illusion: schizophrenics.
Wait, What?
A study found that most of us are woefully ill-equipped to defeat the mask's trickery, falling for the illusion an absurd 99 percent of the time. Schizophrenic volunteers, however, revealed themselves as the Michael Jordans of hollow mask detection. They were only fooled about six percent of the time. So while schizophrenia is a horrible affliction, at least suffers can boast one bona fide if extremely limited superpower.
Youtube.com/LoveDigitalPhotography
Wait, you can see four of them? You have cancer of the ALS. Sorry.
Why? Well, at certain angles, the mask fools the average person because the brain can't gather enough visual cues to determine that the mask is concave, which faces usually aren't. So to make sense of the alien freak staring it in the eye, your brain forces you to see what it thinks is correct. As the mask continues to rotate, the queer play of light along the edges reminds your brain to freak out once more as the illusion is disrupted. This of course doesn't stop it from falling into the same "Holy shit, I know what that is, a face!" trap all over again.
Schizophrenics, on the other hand, are unable to fully conceptualize incoming sensory information. Their minds skip the intermediate step and make no effort to rectify the mask's odd appearance -- the empty hell-face isn't weird enough for their brain to correct.
#5. Snoring As A Kid Might Have Turned You Into A Social Train Wreck
George Doyle/Stockbyte/Getty Images
Did you snore as a kid? Do you have a kid who snores? Are you, on principle, against all kids and snoring? Strangely enough, if you answered "Yes" to that last question, chances are that you're a better-adjusted human being than the snorers in the first two, because snoring young kids totally have an increased chance to become fuckups later in life.
Chris Bernard/iStock/Getty Images
"It's too late for Timmy. Get the pillow."
Wait, What?
Let's talk about a little-known issue called "behavior problems in children based on their general sleep etiquette." It's a real thing, as revealed by a study that tracked 249 child-mother pairs for three years. The researchers found out that the kiddies who snore during their formative years (aged 2-3) tend to display the holy triumvirate of douche behaviors: inattention, aggression, and hyperactivity. As a result, the kids who snored were three-and-a-half times more likely to be awful hellraisers than their nose-breathing sleep brethren.
Darrin Klimek/Digital Vision/Getty Images
"Doc, is there way you could just, like, stuff a sleep apnea mask with Ritalin?"
Another study focusing on sleep apnea in children noticed the same trend. The six-year study included 11,000 children: 5,000 "normal" ones and 6,000 who suffered from a variety of apneas. The children with breathing problems during sleep were 40 percent more likely to develop behavior problems by age seven. We're not merely talking about them being more sensitive because they fell asleep in class once and everyone found out about the snoring, either. These symptoms were, and we quote, "anxiety and depression, peer relationship problems, conduct problems such as following rules and social behavior toward others." That's a textbook description of the mindset of either a future criminal or a politician, both of which are bad news if you're attempting to raise an upstanding citizen.
Fortunately, science might have found a solution to the whole potential "snoring kids will grow up to be our barbarian overlords after the apocalypse" issue. Unfortunately, it is already a subject of considerable debate. We're talking about breastfeeding -- specifically, how long it should be done. Research indicates that relatively late weaning is the strongest predictor of childhood snoring, as none of the children who suckled at mother's teat for longer than 12 months were found to snore. On the other hand, those who were breastfed sparingly or not at all were almost 25 percent more likely to develop a chronic snoring problem.
George Doyle/Stockbyte/Getty Images
Annnnnd now you're all having flashbacks to suckling at your Mom's teat.
And while we're on the subject ...
#4. Sleep Restlessness Can Predict Whether You'll Get Parkinson's Disease
OcusFocus/iStock/Getty Images
Do you ever have dreams where you're attacked or chased, only to wake up tangled in the sheets (or clobbered with a pillow by your frustrated spouse, whom you just dream-flailed at?) It turns out that shit might not be last night's chili -- it may actually predict your future Parkinson's.
Wait, What?
All that restlessness is likely to be a symptom of REM sleep disruption, caused by plunging dopamine levels in the susbtantia nigra. That's the brain region responsible for coordination of movements (like the way your chip-bearing hand navigates to your mouth while your eyes remain fixed on the TV screen). Without dopamine doing its thing during REM, your limbs are free to battle dream invaders and poor, sleeping bedmates.
Jupiterimages/Stockbyte/Getty Images
"Trust me, Carol. It's better if I stay out here tonight."
People with this particular condition are more likely to develop Parkinson's than sound sleepers. How much more likely? Try, "a study indicates that up to freaking 45 percent of them wind up with the disease" likely. Oh, and another study found followed 21 REM-frustrated subjects for eight years. Of the 10 of them that displayed irregular dopamine levels, seven developed neurodegenerative disorders.
That's pretty serious shit. Luckily, there's a silver lining: Researchers can now track the whole dopamine/REM activity thing in real time, through a neuroimaging technique called Single Photon Emission Computed Tomography, aka SPECT (because all brain-spying technologies need a supervillain name). SPECT is rapidly emerging as a super important tool in early onset Parkinson's study because its REM-spying abilities can recognize the disease even before the first symptoms appear. This may well give us a shot at creating a whole new breed of neuroprotective drugs in the future.
Jupiterimages/Stockbyte/Getty Images
"Only half of which we'll re-work toward maintaining longer-lasting erections."
Speaking of weird tests we all might be undergoing soon ...
0 comments:
Post a Comment