Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
10:56 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:55 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:54 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:53 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:53 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:52 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:51 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:50 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:50 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:49 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:48 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:47 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:46 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:45 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:43 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:42 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:42 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:41 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:41 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:40 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:39 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:39 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:38 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:37 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:37 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:36 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:35 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:34 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:33 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:32 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:31 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:29 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:27 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:27 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:26 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:25 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:24 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:23 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:22 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:22 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:21 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:21 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:20 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:20 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:19 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:18 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:18 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:17 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:17 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
Monday, May 18, 2015
10:44 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:44 PM
5 Pop Culture Sex Toys That Can't Be Arousing To Anyone
We're all aware of the way Rule 34 permeates anything and everything, up to and very much including the world of sex toys. It's just that we're also well aware of the uber-jealous way big studios safeguard their precious franchises and their reputation -- if anyone's going to ruin it, it's going to be them, thank you very much.
Does this prospect of rampant lawyerin' from major industry players do anything to deter entrepreneurial sex toy makers from using the likenesses of pop culture characters we all know and love? Evidently not, because people currently have the option to rub their genitals all over ...
#5. Doctor Who
Metro.co.uk
Out of all the characters on this list, the Doctor is perhaps the only one whose presence makes at least some inkling of sense. He's been played by enough actors that virtually anyone who's into dudes at all can find one of his incarnations sexy. Even better, his signature weapon / deus ex machina, the sonic screwdriver, is basically a superpowered dildo. Called a sonic screwdriver. It's right there, people! Surely the vast and sticky world of rogue sex toy manufacturers is teeming with buzzing versions of the thing.
Or not. Perhaps fearing that someone would assume they're underachieving, or even worse, that they can't come up with a sexier name than the one the thing already has, no sex toy makers that I could find have taken the bait and created flashing, multi-functioning Doctor-themed vibrators. Instead, here's a goddamned TARDIS butt plug. That ... doesn't even make any sense. Why would you want to stick the hero's clunky vehicle in your butt? Ah, that was stupid of me to ask. We live in a world where Pteranodon porn is a thing, so I suppose I should be grateful that's not an actual replica. Then again, I'm pretty sure someone, somewhere, is shoving a TARDIS scale model up their butt right now, so uh, let's not pursue that train of thought any longer.
And of course that damn Etsy plug is not the only TARDIS-related Doctor Who sex toy out there. Consider the Tickler, which is a custom-designed TARDIS dildo, because really, did you expect anything else?
Toymaker Project
Somewhere in there, a tiny Peter Capaldi has been screaming "Nooooooooo!" continuously for a decade.
Yes, now you too can own and/or commission your very own TARDIS trapped in the mass of a rather suspect, semi-transparent orifice mauler, allowing you to finally grant the good Doctor a view he's guaranteed to not have seen before in his however-the-hell-old-he-is-after-last-season years of zipping across the universe. Are you happy now? Actually, don't answer that.
#4. Star Wars
io9
The picture above is the saddest BDSM toy that you'll ever see: a lightsaber-inspired spanking whip. Please let that sentence sink in for a moment. Star Wars is arguably the least sexy popular franchise in the history of entertainment. Apart from Leia's fleeting gold bikini antics and that one slave girl who gets fed to the rancor in Return Of The Jedi, there are precious few things that could be considered "hot" in the traditional sense. Except for Han Solo. Everyone agrees that Han Solo is hot -- or that he was, until Harrison Ford got that earring and turned 167. So, you know, not much sexiness going around, as franchises go.
You know what else is the exact opposite of hot? Fifty Shades Of Grey. Alas, this glorified fan fiction is ruling current mainstream culture with an iron claw, and has misled enough confused people about what BDSM is (Hint: It's nothing like Fifty Shades Of Grey) to turn marginal spankin' gear like paddles and whips into products that you can casually pick up at Target. They're even put on displays that the kind of people who read horrible wank literature can drool herpes over.
So, according to the laws of batshit madness, it was merely a matter of time before someone took the "Hey, spanking is popular now" ball and jammed it up the butt of another, equally unsexy franchise. The end result is lightsaber whips.
io9
Sex! What, no? Good call.
Note that I'm not saying they're bad products; just bad sex toys. Be honest: Would you use a lightsaber whip? Yes. I know I would. But for sex? Shit no. That thing is for drunkenly Indiana Jonesin' apples off the top of friends' heads while everyone makes lightsaber noises with their mouths -- at least, until one friend is accidentally smacked across the face and retaliates by dropkicking you out of the window. Maybe you'll find that sexy. I won't judge.
#3. Batman
Amazon
You know what they say: If you can be Batman, always be Batman. So you know what? Fuck it. Be Batman. Take the Caped Cock dildo as your batarang, imagine for a while that your rusting 1970s Yugo is the Batmobile, and head for Taiwan. Why Taiwan? Because of the hotel with a sex Batcave.
High Snobiety
The hotel rents the room by the hour, because of course it does.
By now, you know where this is going. You've seen your share of Halloweens, so you know how many slutty Batman and Joker and Harley Quinn and Catwoman costumes there are out there. Chances are you have at least one in your closet right now. So go and get changed. The time has come to bone Batman style, which, as we all know, is serious, latex-coated, and involves a lot of changing partners. Just remember to keep up the mood by grabbing a Batman voice modulator so you can whisper sweet nothings to your significant other with the unmistakable, throat-cancery gravel gurgle of movie Batmen.
iranbook.biz
Namely, this one. Keeps up the Adam West mood.
10:43 PM
5 True Stories That Will Restore Your Faith In Famous People
If you were to ask us to provide a breakdown of the time the general public spends consuming celebrity news, we'd have to say it's something along the lines of 50 percent reading about all the horrible things that stars do, and 50 percent searching for pictures of them naked. But as we've mentioned before, we really should set aside at least a percent or two of that time to bask in all the wondrously selfless things that some celebrities do for their fellow man, such as ...
#5. Wrestler John Cena Grants A Seemingly Impossible Number Of "Make-A-Wish" Wishes
World Wrestling Entertainment
To say that the schedule of a professional wrestler is soul-spankingly insane is to put it lightly. The WWE performs between two and five shows every single week, requiring some wrestlers to travel for more than three-quarters of the year. And that doesn't include the time spent cutting nonstop promos, the endless gym sessions, the baby oil application, and subsequent baby oil removal ... add it all up, and there's hardly time to rest. There's also no offseason, and unless a significant portion of your musculoskeletal system is visible from the outside, you're working through your goddamn injuries, son.
World Wrestling Entertainment
One wet wipe and a Band-Aid later, he's on to the next town.
So how, then, does WWE superstar John Cena manage to do all that and still manage to grant more "Make-A-Wish" wishes than any other celebrity, bar none? We contend that the answer to that question is "magic," and if you don't share that opinion now, you will by the end of this entry.
At the time of this writing, Cena's wish count is a nearly inconceivable 460. To put that in perspective, only five other celebrities have granted more than 200 wishes: Hulk Hogan, Jeff Gordon, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Michael Jordan, and the Justin Bieber Apology Tour. Of those in the 200 Club, none but Cena have made it to 300. He didn't just break everyone else's record -- he put it in a facelock until it whimpered like a scolded puppy. And he's not done yet -- fortunately for the children, Cena is determined to break a thousand.
World Wrestling Entertainment
Or 750 more than Bieber before he gets bored with being nice.
Covering Cena's plethora of granted wishes would take about 458 more pages than we have here, so we'll have to choose just one. And the choice is obvious: the time he met 7-year-old Chloe. Chloe suffers from a deadly neurological disorder, and her wish was to meet her favorite wrestler ... The Undertaker. We're kidding, of course -- her wish was to meet John Cena ... and have a tea party with him (that part we're not kidding about). Years of opening cans of whoop-ass in the ring have apparently done precisely zippo for Cena's teatime etiquette, resulting in some schooling from Chloe and probably the most priceless pro wrestler publicity photos ever.
World Wrestling Entertainment
See? Magic.
#4. Mark Harmon Rescued Two Teenagers From A Flaming Car (With a Sledgehammer)
Mark Davis/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
Mark Harmon, best known for his role as "that dude on NCIS who gives your mom a raging case of the shivering swamp knickers," was lounging in his Brentwood home one night back in 1996, when suddenly fate replayed a scene from every action movie ever right outside his front window: a barreling car clipped a tree, flipped over a few times, and burst into flames.
imantsu/iStock/Getty Images
It was the worst thing he'd seen since the script for Summer School.
The cause of the accident was 100 percent mechanical ... if the unencumbered flow of hormones into a teenage boy's brain can be considered "mechanical." Passenger Colin Specht was riding with a friend (both 16 at the time) who was doing his very best IndyCar driver impression when he missed a turn but, unfortunately, did not miss a tree. Seeing that escape from the flaming wreckage was impossible, Harmon grabbed his sledgehammer (because apparently Hollywood types always have a sledgehammer in arm's reach), ran to the car, and smashed out a window. The sudden influx of oxygen immediately caused the fire to go from "flame broiler" to "seventh circle of Hell," which just goes to make this next part all the more impressive.
Harmon immediately pulled the driver free, but Specht was trapped. Luckily for him, in addition to a convenient sledgehammer, Harmon apparently also possesses superhuman strength. As Specht put it, "He tugged me, because I was still upside down with the seat belt in, and he ripped me out of the car."
"Aww, I can't stay mad at you. Here, take him." -- The car.
Specht suffered severe burns over a third of his body, but he fully recovered and has spent the intervening years covering the resulting scars with badass tattoos (one of which had damn well better read "Mark Harmon 4ever"). Harmon remained mum on the incident for decades, only breaking his silence to the press about it relatively recently -- and even then, he refused to accept any heroic accolades for the deed. It seems that, to some people, saving the lives of two teenagers from a fiery inferno in a manner best described as "Asgardian" just ain't that big a thing.
#3. Frank Sinatra Did Civil Rights His Way
Michael Ochs Archives/Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images
Legendary crooner Frank Sinatra was the mid-20th century equivalent of a modern-day rapper. But when he wasn't busy making your future grandma swoon and draping himself in the '60s equivalent of gold chains (i.e. pure, unadulterated charisma), he was standing up for African-Americans and fighting for racial equality.
Um, did we mention this was the mid-20th century?
Hulton Archive/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
Back when just taking this picture would get you an aiding and abetting charge.
Yeah, in a time when the public consensus was that black people should absolutely have civil rights just so long as they didn't have as many as white people, ol' blue eyes thought otherwise. He regularly played benefit concerts for Martin Luther King Jr. -- at one such show in the prestigious Carnegie Hall, the good doctor broke down in tears when Sinatra sang "Ol' Man River," a song traditionally sung by a black stevedore character in the musical Show Boat. Sinatra led the charge in the desegregation of Nevada hotels and casinos by refusing to set foot inside any that forbade blacks from entering. Again, we feel it's necessary to stress that this was in the early '60s, when segregation was strong, riots were rampant, and a whole lot of shit was a whole lot of fucked-up.
D. G. Dawson/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
Also fucked: You, if this guy told the world how much your business sucks.
On a more personal level, when former boxer Joe Louis was broke and disgraced, Sinatra hosted a fundraiser to get his finances back in order, covering the medical costs for a much-needed heart surgery and later paying for his funeral services. He personally escorted black performer / activist Lena Horne into New York's fancy Stork Club, a whites-only nightclub. When the maitre d' blubbered, checked his book, blubbered some more, rechecked his book, and finally asked Sinatra who had made their reservation, Sinatra replied, "President Abraham Lincoln." We'd have tacked a "motherfucker" there at the end, but Sinatra was far too classy for that.
Armed Forces Radio Network
Presumably, the original draft of "Somethin' Stupid" was about James Buchanan.
Sinatra even wrote an essay for Ebony explaining, very eloquently, how butt-slappingly stupid racism was. It would be a disservice to paraphrase it, so here's an excerpt in the Chairman's own words: "A friend to me has no race, no class and belongs to no minority. My friendships were formed out of affection, mutual respect and a feeling of having something strong in common. These are eternal values that cannot be racially classified. This is the way I look at race."
... Motherfuckers.
10:42 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:42 PM
5 Pop Culture Sex Toys That Can't Be Arousing To Anyone
We're all aware of the way Rule 34 permeates anything and everything, up to and very much including the world of sex toys. It's just that we're also well aware of the uber-jealous way big studios safeguard their precious franchises and their reputation -- if anyone's going to ruin it, it's going to be them, thank you very much.
Does this prospect of rampant lawyerin' from major industry players do anything to deter entrepreneurial sex toy makers from using the likenesses of pop culture characters we all know and love? Evidently not, because people currently have the option to rub their genitals all over ...
#5. Doctor Who
Metro.co.uk
Out of all the characters on this list, the Doctor is perhaps the only one whose presence makes at least some inkling of sense. He's been played by enough actors that virtually anyone who's into dudes at all can find one of his incarnations sexy. Even better, his signature weapon / deus ex machina, the sonic screwdriver, is basically a superpowered dildo. Called a sonic screwdriver. It's right there, people! Surely the vast and sticky world of rogue sex toy manufacturers is teeming with buzzing versions of the thing.
Or not. Perhaps fearing that someone would assume they're underachieving, or even worse, that they can't come up with a sexier name than the one the thing already has, no sex toy makers that I could find have taken the bait and created flashing, multi-functioning Doctor-themed vibrators. Instead, here's a goddamned TARDIS butt plug. That ... doesn't even make any sense. Why would you want to stick the hero's clunky vehicle in your butt? Ah, that was stupid of me to ask. We live in a world where Pteranodon porn is a thing, so I suppose I should be grateful that's not an actual replica. Then again, I'm pretty sure someone, somewhere, is shoving a TARDIS scale model up their butt right now, so uh, let's not pursue that train of thought any longer.
And of course that damn Etsy plug is not the only TARDIS-related Doctor Who sex toy out there. Consider the Tickler, which is a custom-designed TARDIS dildo, because really, did you expect anything else?
Toymaker Project
Somewhere in there, a tiny Peter Capaldi has been screaming "Nooooooooo!" continuously for a decade.
Yes, now you too can own and/or commission your very own TARDIS trapped in the mass of a rather suspect, semi-transparent orifice mauler, allowing you to finally grant the good Doctor a view he's guaranteed to not have seen before in his however-the-hell-old-he-is-after-last-season years of zipping across the universe. Are you happy now? Actually, don't answer that.
#4. Star Wars
io9
The picture above is the saddest BDSM toy that you'll ever see: a lightsaber-inspired spanking whip. Please let that sentence sink in for a moment. Star Wars is arguably the least sexy popular franchise in the history of entertainment. Apart from Leia's fleeting gold bikini antics and that one slave girl who gets fed to the rancor in Return Of The Jedi, there are precious few things that could be considered "hot" in the traditional sense. Except for Han Solo. Everyone agrees that Han Solo is hot -- or that he was, until Harrison Ford got that earring and turned 167. So, you know, not much sexiness going around, as franchises go.
You know what else is the exact opposite of hot? Fifty Shades Of Grey. Alas, this glorified fan fiction is ruling current mainstream culture with an iron claw, and has misled enough confused people about what BDSM is (Hint: It's nothing like Fifty Shades Of Grey) to turn marginal spankin' gear like paddles and whips into products that you can casually pick up at Target. They're even put on displays that the kind of people who read horrible wank literature can drool herpes over.
So, according to the laws of batshit madness, it was merely a matter of time before someone took the "Hey, spanking is popular now" ball and jammed it up the butt of another, equally unsexy franchise. The end result is lightsaber whips.
io9
Sex! What, no? Good call.
Note that I'm not saying they're bad products; just bad sex toys. Be honest: Would you use a lightsaber whip? Yes. I know I would. But for sex? Shit no. That thing is for drunkenly Indiana Jonesin' apples off the top of friends' heads while everyone makes lightsaber noises with their mouths -- at least, until one friend is accidentally smacked across the face and retaliates by dropkicking you out of the window. Maybe you'll find that sexy. I won't judge.
#3. Batman
Amazon
You know what they say: If you can be Batman, always be Batman. So you know what? Fuck it. Be Batman. Take the Caped Cock dildo as your batarang, imagine for a while that your rusting 1970s Yugo is the Batmobile, and head for Taiwan. Why Taiwan? Because of the hotel with a sex Batcave.
High Snobiety
The hotel rents the room by the hour, because of course it does.
By now, you know where this is going. You've seen your share of Halloweens, so you know how many slutty Batman and Joker and Harley Quinn and Catwoman costumes there are out there. Chances are you have at least one in your closet right now. So go and get changed. The time has come to bone Batman style, which, as we all know, is serious, latex-coated, and involves a lot of changing partners. Just remember to keep up the mood by grabbing a Batman voice modulator so you can whisper sweet nothings to your significant other with the unmistakable, throat-cancery gravel gurgle of movie Batmen.
iranbook.biz
Namely, this one. Keeps up the Adam West mood.
10:41 PM
5 True Stories That Will Restore Your Faith In Famous People
If you were to ask us to provide a breakdown of the time the general public spends consuming celebrity news, we'd have to say it's something along the lines of 50 percent reading about all the horrible things that stars do, and 50 percent searching for pictures of them naked. But as we've mentioned before, we really should set aside at least a percent or two of that time to bask in all the wondrously selfless things that some celebrities do for their fellow man, such as ...
#5. Wrestler John Cena Grants A Seemingly Impossible Number Of "Make-A-Wish" Wishes
World Wrestling Entertainment
To say that the schedule of a professional wrestler is soul-spankingly insane is to put it lightly. The WWE performs between two and five shows every single week, requiring some wrestlers to travel for more than three-quarters of the year. And that doesn't include the time spent cutting nonstop promos, the endless gym sessions, the baby oil application, and subsequent baby oil removal ... add it all up, and there's hardly time to rest. There's also no offseason, and unless a significant portion of your musculoskeletal system is visible from the outside, you're working through your goddamn injuries, son.
World Wrestling Entertainment
One wet wipe and a Band-Aid later, he's on to the next town.
So how, then, does WWE superstar John Cena manage to do all that and still manage to grant more "Make-A-Wish" wishes than any other celebrity, bar none? We contend that the answer to that question is "magic," and if you don't share that opinion now, you will by the end of this entry.
At the time of this writing, Cena's wish count is a nearly inconceivable 460. To put that in perspective, only five other celebrities have granted more than 200 wishes: Hulk Hogan, Jeff Gordon, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Michael Jordan, and the Justin Bieber Apology Tour. Of those in the 200 Club, none but Cena have made it to 300. He didn't just break everyone else's record -- he put it in a facelock until it whimpered like a scolded puppy. And he's not done yet -- fortunately for the children, Cena is determined to break a thousand.
World Wrestling Entertainment
Or 750 more than Bieber before he gets bored with being nice.
Covering Cena's plethora of granted wishes would take about 458 more pages than we have here, so we'll have to choose just one. And the choice is obvious: the time he met 7-year-old Chloe. Chloe suffers from a deadly neurological disorder, and her wish was to meet her favorite wrestler ... The Undertaker. We're kidding, of course -- her wish was to meet John Cena ... and have a tea party with him (that part we're not kidding about). Years of opening cans of whoop-ass in the ring have apparently done precisely zippo for Cena's teatime etiquette, resulting in some schooling from Chloe and probably the most priceless pro wrestler publicity photos ever.
World Wrestling Entertainment
See? Magic.
#4. Mark Harmon Rescued Two Teenagers From A Flaming Car (With a Sledgehammer)
Mark Davis/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
Mark Harmon, best known for his role as "that dude on NCIS who gives your mom a raging case of the shivering swamp knickers," was lounging in his Brentwood home one night back in 1996, when suddenly fate replayed a scene from every action movie ever right outside his front window: a barreling car clipped a tree, flipped over a few times, and burst into flames.
imantsu/iStock/Getty Images
It was the worst thing he'd seen since the script for Summer School.
The cause of the accident was 100 percent mechanical ... if the unencumbered flow of hormones into a teenage boy's brain can be considered "mechanical." Passenger Colin Specht was riding with a friend (both 16 at the time) who was doing his very best IndyCar driver impression when he missed a turn but, unfortunately, did not miss a tree. Seeing that escape from the flaming wreckage was impossible, Harmon grabbed his sledgehammer (because apparently Hollywood types always have a sledgehammer in arm's reach), ran to the car, and smashed out a window. The sudden influx of oxygen immediately caused the fire to go from "flame broiler" to "seventh circle of Hell," which just goes to make this next part all the more impressive.
Harmon immediately pulled the driver free, but Specht was trapped. Luckily for him, in addition to a convenient sledgehammer, Harmon apparently also possesses superhuman strength. As Specht put it, "He tugged me, because I was still upside down with the seat belt in, and he ripped me out of the car."
"Aww, I can't stay mad at you. Here, take him." -- The car.
Specht suffered severe burns over a third of his body, but he fully recovered and has spent the intervening years covering the resulting scars with badass tattoos (one of which had damn well better read "Mark Harmon 4ever"). Harmon remained mum on the incident for decades, only breaking his silence to the press about it relatively recently -- and even then, he refused to accept any heroic accolades for the deed. It seems that, to some people, saving the lives of two teenagers from a fiery inferno in a manner best described as "Asgardian" just ain't that big a thing.
#3. Frank Sinatra Did Civil Rights His Way
Michael Ochs Archives/Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images
Legendary crooner Frank Sinatra was the mid-20th century equivalent of a modern-day rapper. But when he wasn't busy making your future grandma swoon and draping himself in the '60s equivalent of gold chains (i.e. pure, unadulterated charisma), he was standing up for African-Americans and fighting for racial equality.
Um, did we mention this was the mid-20th century?
Hulton Archive/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
Back when just taking this picture would get you an aiding and abetting charge.
Yeah, in a time when the public consensus was that black people should absolutely have civil rights just so long as they didn't have as many as white people, ol' blue eyes thought otherwise. He regularly played benefit concerts for Martin Luther King Jr. -- at one such show in the prestigious Carnegie Hall, the good doctor broke down in tears when Sinatra sang "Ol' Man River," a song traditionally sung by a black stevedore character in the musical Show Boat. Sinatra led the charge in the desegregation of Nevada hotels and casinos by refusing to set foot inside any that forbade blacks from entering. Again, we feel it's necessary to stress that this was in the early '60s, when segregation was strong, riots were rampant, and a whole lot of shit was a whole lot of fucked-up.
D. G. Dawson/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
Also fucked: You, if this guy told the world how much your business sucks.
On a more personal level, when former boxer Joe Louis was broke and disgraced, Sinatra hosted a fundraiser to get his finances back in order, covering the medical costs for a much-needed heart surgery and later paying for his funeral services. He personally escorted black performer / activist Lena Horne into New York's fancy Stork Club, a whites-only nightclub. When the maitre d' blubbered, checked his book, blubbered some more, rechecked his book, and finally asked Sinatra who had made their reservation, Sinatra replied, "President Abraham Lincoln." We'd have tacked a "motherfucker" there at the end, but Sinatra was far too classy for that.
Armed Forces Radio Network
Presumably, the original draft of "Somethin' Stupid" was about James Buchanan.
Sinatra even wrote an essay for Ebony explaining, very eloquently, how butt-slappingly stupid racism was. It would be a disservice to paraphrase it, so here's an excerpt in the Chairman's own words: "A friend to me has no race, no class and belongs to no minority. My friendships were formed out of affection, mutual respect and a feeling of having something strong in common. These are eternal values that cannot be racially classified. This is the way I look at race."
... Motherfuckers.
10:41 PM
6 Insane Foreign Remakes Of Famous American Blockbusters
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries.
Copyright © 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.
10:40 PM
5 Pop Culture Sex Toys That Can't Be Arousing To Anyone
We're all aware of the way Rule 34 permeates anything and everything, up to and very much including the world of sex toys. It's just that we're also well aware of the uber-jealous way big studios safeguard their precious franchises and their reputation -- if anyone's going to ruin it, it's going to be them, thank you very much.
Does this prospect of rampant lawyerin' from major industry players do anything to deter entrepreneurial sex toy makers from using the likenesses of pop culture characters we all know and love? Evidently not, because people currently have the option to rub their genitals all over ...
#5. Doctor Who
Metro.co.uk
Out of all the characters on this list, the Doctor is perhaps the only one whose presence makes at least some inkling of sense. He's been played by enough actors that virtually anyone who's into dudes at all can find one of his incarnations sexy. Even better, his signature weapon / deus ex machina, the sonic screwdriver, is basically a superpowered dildo. Called a sonic screwdriver. It's right there, people! Surely the vast and sticky world of rogue sex toy manufacturers is teeming with buzzing versions of the thing.
Or not. Perhaps fearing that someone would assume they're underachieving, or even worse, that they can't come up with a sexier name than the one the thing already has, no sex toy makers that I could find have taken the bait and created flashing, multi-functioning Doctor-themed vibrators. Instead, here's a goddamned TARDIS butt plug. That ... doesn't even make any sense. Why would you want to stick the hero's clunky vehicle in your butt? Ah, that was stupid of me to ask. We live in a world where Pteranodon porn is a thing, so I suppose I should be grateful that's not an actual replica. Then again, I'm pretty sure someone, somewhere, is shoving a TARDIS scale model up their butt right now, so uh, let's not pursue that train of thought any longer.
And of course that damn Etsy plug is not the only TARDIS-related Doctor Who sex toy out there. Consider the Tickler, which is a custom-designed TARDIS dildo, because really, did you expect anything else?
Toymaker Project
Somewhere in there, a tiny Peter Capaldi has been screaming "Nooooooooo!" continuously for a decade.
Yes, now you too can own and/or commission your very own TARDIS trapped in the mass of a rather suspect, semi-transparent orifice mauler, allowing you to finally grant the good Doctor a view he's guaranteed to not have seen before in his however-the-hell-old-he-is-after-last-season years of zipping across the universe. Are you happy now? Actually, don't answer that.
#4. Star Wars
io9
The picture above is the saddest BDSM toy that you'll ever see: a lightsaber-inspired spanking whip. Please let that sentence sink in for a moment. Star Wars is arguably the least sexy popular franchise in the history of entertainment. Apart from Leia's fleeting gold bikini antics and that one slave girl who gets fed to the rancor in Return Of The Jedi, there are precious few things that could be considered "hot" in the traditional sense. Except for Han Solo. Everyone agrees that Han Solo is hot -- or that he was, until Harrison Ford got that earring and turned 167. So, you know, not much sexiness going around, as franchises go.
You know what else is the exact opposite of hot? Fifty Shades Of Grey. Alas, this glorified fan fiction is ruling current mainstream culture with an iron claw, and has misled enough confused people about what BDSM is (Hint: It's nothing like Fifty Shades Of Grey) to turn marginal spankin' gear like paddles and whips into products that you can casually pick up at Target. They're even put on displays that the kind of people who read horrible wank literature can drool herpes over.
So, according to the laws of batshit madness, it was merely a matter of time before someone took the "Hey, spanking is popular now" ball and jammed it up the butt of another, equally unsexy franchise. The end result is lightsaber whips.
io9
Sex! What, no? Good call.
Note that I'm not saying they're bad products; just bad sex toys. Be honest: Would you use a lightsaber whip? Yes. I know I would. But for sex? Shit no. That thing is for drunkenly Indiana Jonesin' apples off the top of friends' heads while everyone makes lightsaber noises with their mouths -- at least, until one friend is accidentally smacked across the face and retaliates by dropkicking you out of the window. Maybe you'll find that sexy. I won't judge.
#3. Batman
Amazon
You know what they say: If you can be Batman, always be Batman. So you know what? Fuck it. Be Batman. Take the Caped Cock dildo as your batarang, imagine for a while that your rusting 1970s Yugo is the Batmobile, and head for Taiwan. Why Taiwan? Because of the hotel with a sex Batcave.
High Snobiety
The hotel rents the room by the hour, because of course it does.
By now, you know where this is going. You've seen your share of Halloweens, so you know how many slutty Batman and Joker and Harley Quinn and Catwoman costumes there are out there. Chances are you have at least one in your closet right now. So go and get changed. The time has come to bone Batman style, which, as we all know, is serious, latex-coated, and involves a lot of changing partners. Just remember to keep up the mood by grabbing a Batman voice modulator so you can whisper sweet nothings to your significant other with the unmistakable, throat-cancery gravel gurgle of movie Batmen.
iranbook.biz
Namely, this one. Keeps up the Adam West mood.
10:39 PM
5 True Stories That Will Restore Your Faith In Famous People
If you were to ask us to provide a breakdown of the time the general public spends consuming celebrity news, we'd have to say it's something along the lines of 50 percent reading about all the horrible things that stars do, and 50 percent searching for pictures of them naked. But as we've mentioned before, we really should set aside at least a percent or two of that time to bask in all the wondrously selfless things that some celebrities do for their fellow man, such as ...
#5. Wrestler John Cena Grants A Seemingly Impossible Number Of "Make-A-Wish" Wishes
World Wrestling Entertainment
To say that the schedule of a professional wrestler is soul-spankingly insane is to put it lightly. The WWE performs between two and five shows every single week, requiring some wrestlers to travel for more than three-quarters of the year. And that doesn't include the time spent cutting nonstop promos, the endless gym sessions, the baby oil application, and subsequent baby oil removal ... add it all up, and there's hardly time to rest. There's also no offseason, and unless a significant portion of your musculoskeletal system is visible from the outside, you're working through your goddamn injuries, son.
World Wrestling Entertainment
One wet wipe and a Band-Aid later, he's on to the next town.
So how, then, does WWE superstar John Cena manage to do all that and still manage to grant more "Make-A-Wish" wishes than any other celebrity, bar none? We contend that the answer to that question is "magic," and if you don't share that opinion now, you will by the end of this entry.
At the time of this writing, Cena's wish count is a nearly inconceivable 460. To put that in perspective, only five other celebrities have granted more than 200 wishes: Hulk Hogan, Jeff Gordon, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Michael Jordan, and the Justin Bieber Apology Tour. Of those in the 200 Club, none but Cena have made it to 300. He didn't just break everyone else's record -- he put it in a facelock until it whimpered like a scolded puppy. And he's not done yet -- fortunately for the children, Cena is determined to break a thousand.
World Wrestling Entertainment
Or 750 more than Bieber before he gets bored with being nice.
Covering Cena's plethora of granted wishes would take about 458 more pages than we have here, so we'll have to choose just one. And the choice is obvious: the time he met 7-year-old Chloe. Chloe suffers from a deadly neurological disorder, and her wish was to meet her favorite wrestler ... The Undertaker. We're kidding, of course -- her wish was to meet John Cena ... and have a tea party with him (that part we're not kidding about). Years of opening cans of whoop-ass in the ring have apparently done precisely zippo for Cena's teatime etiquette, resulting in some schooling from Chloe and probably the most priceless pro wrestler publicity photos ever.
World Wrestling Entertainment
See? Magic.
#4. Mark Harmon Rescued Two Teenagers From A Flaming Car (With a Sledgehammer)
Mark Davis/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
Mark Harmon, best known for his role as "that dude on NCIS who gives your mom a raging case of the shivering swamp knickers," was lounging in his Brentwood home one night back in 1996, when suddenly fate replayed a scene from every action movie ever right outside his front window: a barreling car clipped a tree, flipped over a few times, and burst into flames.
imantsu/iStock/Getty Images
It was the worst thing he'd seen since the script for Summer School.
The cause of the accident was 100 percent mechanical ... if the unencumbered flow of hormones into a teenage boy's brain can be considered "mechanical." Passenger Colin Specht was riding with a friend (both 16 at the time) who was doing his very best IndyCar driver impression when he missed a turn but, unfortunately, did not miss a tree. Seeing that escape from the flaming wreckage was impossible, Harmon grabbed his sledgehammer (because apparently Hollywood types always have a sledgehammer in arm's reach), ran to the car, and smashed out a window. The sudden influx of oxygen immediately caused the fire to go from "flame broiler" to "seventh circle of Hell," which just goes to make this next part all the more impressive.
Harmon immediately pulled the driver free, but Specht was trapped. Luckily for him, in addition to a convenient sledgehammer, Harmon apparently also possesses superhuman strength. As Specht put it, "He tugged me, because I was still upside down with the seat belt in, and he ripped me out of the car."
"Aww, I can't stay mad at you. Here, take him." -- The car.
Specht suffered severe burns over a third of his body, but he fully recovered and has spent the intervening years covering the resulting scars with badass tattoos (one of which had damn well better read "Mark Harmon 4ever"). Harmon remained mum on the incident for decades, only breaking his silence to the press about it relatively recently -- and even then, he refused to accept any heroic accolades for the deed. It seems that, to some people, saving the lives of two teenagers from a fiery inferno in a manner best described as "Asgardian" just ain't that big a thing.
#3. Frank Sinatra Did Civil Rights His Way
Michael Ochs Archives/Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images
Legendary crooner Frank Sinatra was the mid-20th century equivalent of a modern-day rapper. But when he wasn't busy making your future grandma swoon and draping himself in the '60s equivalent of gold chains (i.e. pure, unadulterated charisma), he was standing up for African-Americans and fighting for racial equality.
Um, did we mention this was the mid-20th century?
Hulton Archive/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
Back when just taking this picture would get you an aiding and abetting charge.
Yeah, in a time when the public consensus was that black people should absolutely have civil rights just so long as they didn't have as many as white people, ol' blue eyes thought otherwise. He regularly played benefit concerts for Martin Luther King Jr. -- at one such show in the prestigious Carnegie Hall, the good doctor broke down in tears when Sinatra sang "Ol' Man River," a song traditionally sung by a black stevedore character in the musical Show Boat. Sinatra led the charge in the desegregation of Nevada hotels and casinos by refusing to set foot inside any that forbade blacks from entering. Again, we feel it's necessary to stress that this was in the early '60s, when segregation was strong, riots were rampant, and a whole lot of shit was a whole lot of fucked-up.
D. G. Dawson/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
Also fucked: You, if this guy told the world how much your business sucks.
On a more personal level, when former boxer Joe Louis was broke and disgraced, Sinatra hosted a fundraiser to get his finances back in order, covering the medical costs for a much-needed heart surgery and later paying for his funeral services. He personally escorted black performer / activist Lena Horne into New York's fancy Stork Club, a whites-only nightclub. When the maitre d' blubbered, checked his book, blubbered some more, rechecked his book, and finally asked Sinatra who had made their reservation, Sinatra replied, "President Abraham Lincoln." We'd have tacked a "motherfucker" there at the end, but Sinatra was far too classy for that.
Armed Forces Radio Network
Presumably, the original draft of "Somethin' Stupid" was about James Buchanan.
Sinatra even wrote an essay for Ebony explaining, very eloquently, how butt-slappingly stupid racism was. It would be a disservice to paraphrase it, so here's an excerpt in the Chairman's own words: "A friend to me has no race, no class and belongs to no minority. My friendships were formed out of affection, mutual respect and a feeling of having something strong in common. These are eternal values that cannot be racially classified. This is the way I look at race."
... Motherfuckers.
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