For most of us, going out on a limb and trying new things is a feat worth celebrating. Whether you're an athlete who wants to dabble in art or an artist who wants to try your hand at paying bills, everyone should step out of their comfort zone and not be afraid to fail every now and then ... unless you're famous.
For celebrities, trying new things is fine, as long as you keep your freaky interests private. Whatever you do, don't write a book about your sick, nasty hobbies because the world won't be able to fathom you both as a sexy world-class celebrity AND as a down-to-earth home repairman.
#4. Mr. Furley Wants To Repair Your Cracks
http://www.mikesenese.com
I would like to think that in one of the multiverses that are most definitely out there, Don Knotts was a certified Grade A sex symbol, and Mick Jagger was a buffoon who karate-chopped his way through sitcoms (and hearts). If not for the 20-year age gap, Don Knotts and Mick Jagger were twins. Take away Jagger's cool hair and spandex pants and knighthood and model wives and seven children and sexual exploits with David Bowie and strange but oddly sweet relationship with Keith Richards, and you're left with Don.
http://cheezburger.com
The Incredible Mr. Pimpet.
For readers who are unfamiliar with Don, he was a sitcom staple from the 1950s to the '80s, usually playing the part of "bumbling sheriff" or "bumbling landlord" or "bumbling Apple Dumpling Gang leader" when he ventured into movies. None of these roles painted a picture of a man you want to trust with fast-setting concrete. If I listed all the people I wouldn't want touching fast-setting concrete, Don would be sandwiched between "Kristi Harrison" and "babies." In 1986, the good people at Quikrete had a different take on the "should Don Knotts be the guy who promotes our concrete product?" conundrum. If Don could succeed at working with concrete, anyone could! Which was how a beloved Emmy-winning comedian ended up as the ironic spokesman for concrete.
"If a joke of a human like me can figure it out, so can you!"
And you know what's crazy? Besides the part about Barney Fife shilling a book on how to create your own sidewalks and tuck-point mortar joints when required to do so? It's that the book wasn't half bad, according to the eight Amazon reviews it's accumulated over the years.
#3. Celebrity Teen Mom Wrote You Some Erotica (About Herself)
As someone who comes from a long line of teen moms (or as we called them, "moms"), I have no judgment against Farrah Abraham or anyone else who makes another human being before hitting the age of 20. I've never watched Farrah's show 16 And Pregnant or its sequel Teen Mom or its other sequel Poor People, Now Older, Continued, although I was briefly tempted to watch "How Do Taxes Work?" Teen Moms Take A Field Trip To The Accountant because it occurred to me that I don't actually know how taxes work and I could use the tips.
From what I've gathered through some investigative journalism and strict avoidance of MTV, Farrah was a 17-year-old cheerleader who got knocked up and named her child Sophia Laurent, which sounds a lot like "Sophia Loren" but isn't. As if things weren't already rough enough, Farrah named her daughter the equivalent of the fake DVDs your grandma sends you when she can't discern that What's Up? Balloon To The Rescue is NOT the same movie as Disney's Up.
amazon.com
Close enough!
Back to Farrah. At age 17, Farrah had a baby and a hit MTV show. By age 20, she transitioned from having a baby and a show to having a toddler and a porn tape with a professional porn star. Still, not judging. Insurance is expensive, and everyone has the right to hire a professional porn actor to put his ding dong inside your butt while on camera -- if that's the plan you think God's worked out for you. It wasn't until I saw Farrah's trilogy of erotica books that I finally put my judging hat on. It looks like this:
John Foxx/Stockbyte/Getty Images
Don't judge my judging hat.
Farrah's muse for her trilogy of dirty stories is -- wait for it -- herself. The main character is named "Fallon Opal," which I imagine came about after a thought process that went like this:
Too on the nose, Farrah.
Finally, Farrah pulled from her real-life exploits in the entertainment world to write about a humble young lady who buckles down and goes to accounting school, so she can provide for her family and live a normal life. Psych! Farrah/Fallon spends three books translating her leaked sex tape into a career in Hollywood. And she used her own picture for the book covers. Hey! Speaking of which ...
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