The 10 Cracked Posts Everyone Was Talking About 5/10 Edition

This week was mostly about creeping, lurking things: police militarization, tiny women hiding in cupboards, the pits of Hell. But all we know is that we want one of those big ass cats.

"Dead Lines"? "Dead Wait"? So many wonderfully terrible pun-tastic possibilities!

What's happening between the police and the public has similarities to The Cold War: two clearly defined sides, propaganda, espionage, and the near-constant threat of violence. Absent: Ronald Reagan and breakdancing.

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"Handing out justice is not their job. We have an entire legal system in place for that very purpose."

Hold up there, judgy old timers: the 1950s demolishes every other modern decade on the teen pregnancy rate leaderboard, so it turns out you were the fuck-happy dick slingers.

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"With the exception of a small spike in the 1990s, teen pregnancy has been steadily on the decline since the only form of birth control was sobriety or homosexuality."

In fact, the number of human beings currently enslaved is over double the recorded number of slaves from the transatlantic slave trade.

What if science somehow combined a serval, an African wild cat, and a regular house cat? And then registered the ensuing hellspawn as an official cat breed and you could buy one and name it Big Boy #1 and walk it like a boss?

So Pets

"What are the practical advantages of owning a tiny zebra-horse or zebra-pony instead of a regular one? Who cares? Look at it!"