Everyone was whipped up about marriage, children and Satan. So let's go ahead and call this "Omen Week."
To bone up before Age Of Ultron, some of us here at Cracked decided to watch all ten films in a single 20+ hour half-comatose sitting. What did we learn? Well, for starters, the Marvel Universe is filled with blood-hungry, emotionless masses who place no value on human life.
Marvel
"They've made a Hugh-Hefner-style rock star out of a fucking weapons manufacturer. I get that Tony Stark acts eccentric, but that's still like the CEO of L-3 Communications being treated like Jennifer Lawrence."
Colonial unity and tolerant values of the Enlightenment are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.
"Smugglers, like John Hancock, hate being told they can't smuggle."
As a kid, your grudges are managed by the grown-ass people around you. But once you're grown-ass yourself, and permanently sharing a bed with someone, be smart and be the first to apologize whether or not you're right.
"The next time you and your husband or wife have a fight and you think about giving up, ask yourself this: 'After all we've been through, do I ever want to share a toilet with a whole new person?' If I have my way, no other man will ever know my bathroom smells, just like the Bible ordered."
Man, that Leonard Nimoy guy really knew what he was doing, huh?
Here's something to digest while we await the NEW new Supreme Court gay marriage ruling.
"If You Are a Heterosexual and Do NOT Want to Enter into a Homosexual Marriage:
You will not be required to marry a gay person. This is a common misunderstanding. This decision actually does not affect you in any way."
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