Hey, good news, everyone -- it's less than 365 days until the next National Coming Out Day! Let's all come out of the closet! In fact, let's board up our closets entirely and just pile our clothes on that chair by the bed. Once you come out, life is just rainbows (literal and symbolic), and you'll kick yourself for having waited so long. Or you might instead end up penniless and alone with your whole life screwed beyond repair. That's what happened to "Ron." Here's his story.
#5. Coming Out Isn't Always A Realistic Option
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Even if there are some rough patches, coming out is a wonderful experience that always improves your life. At least, that's how it is on TV. Ron points to Justin from Queer As Folk.
"His dad didn't accept him, and his mom was odd about it too. Within a few episodes, though, she had divorced his father and was pro-gay."
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This is supposedly the most frank depiction of gay issues on television.
"I don't think it ever happens like that for a lot of people," said Ron, who sees no signs of reconciling with his parents after they disowned him 10 years ago. "I meet people all the time in this area at bars, or when I started a gay-straight alliance, that had horrible reactions from their parents. Sometimes it got better, but I know a lot of people who are just like me ... I have met older gay men who came out back in the '80s whose parents died without ever speaking to them again. I assume my parents will probably be the same way."
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"But they don't complain that I never call. So I got that going for me."
Individuals can choose to come out if they want, or they could just stay in the closet until they're totally independent. "It's always your choice," Ron said, "and I wouldn't judge anyone for what they choose to do." You know your own situation best. Coming out could end with your family dancing all wacky at your gay wedding, or it could end with them trussing you up and firing you out of town on the special catapult they have reserved for just such occasions.
#4. There's A Lot More Hate Than We Like To Think About
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Tolerance is everywhere: Gay marriage has even (sort of) hit Alabama, the state our bookie swore would be the last one to turn. As a counterpoint, Ron would like to introduce you to his hometown in Eastern Kentucky, population 3,200. The earliest memory he has of gay issues coming up was when the news showed two men kissing at a pride rally, and his parents weighed in.
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Spoiler: It wasn't the inauthentic cowboy hats that pissed them off.
"They outright said, 'All fags should be murdered, they are against God.' ... It was always, 'Gross, they should be killed.' My father was very fond of the idea of HIV/AIDS killing them all, too."
Ron's parents were typical for the area. He reckons most others in town felt the same way. The pair were religious Baptists, but no more devout than the average townsperson. They weren't activists or members of a hate group -- just purely casual advocates for genocide.
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So the second-worst kind of genocide advocate.
In high school, coming out didn't even seem like an option. No one was out, and Ron was already being called "fag" even without the courtesy of pre-labeling himself. "It didn't help that I was a scrawny video game nerd, either," he said. But it did help that he started dating girls, which discouraged attacks just long enough for him to graduate. He then went on to college in that utopia of open-mindedness known as slightly more urban Kentucky. There, he finally came out. And everything was just fine, if you stop reading riiiight ... now.
#3. Your Family Might Threaten To Murder You
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Three weeks before classes ended, Ron went home for laundry and to start the summer job search. He decided now was the time to come out to his mother. "After a semester of being completely honest to myself and everyone around me," he said, "it just didn't feel right to kinda go back into the closet." Plus, he'd met a guy online and planned to drive six hours to visit him over the summer, so he'd have to either come out or craft an elaborate cover story about having to drive the blocker car for a high-stakes beer haul to Texarkana.
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"And why are you packing all those condoms?"
"To ... uh ... carry the beer in."
"At first," Ron said, "she just kept saying there was no way I could be gay and talked about how I dated girls, I liked girls. She told me I couldn't be gay because it's evil. I would go to hell. I would get AIDS. She didn't raise me to be gay."
Before returning to campus, Ron got his mother to promise not to say anything. But a week later, he got a call from his older brother.
"You're gay?" said big brother. "Mom told dad. He's flipping the fuck out."
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"He's calling you a dirty, no-good, high-stakes beer hauler!"
Ron spent the next couple weeks trying to call home but getting no reply.
"Finally, about three days before school ended, my dad picked up and told me I wasn't welcome in his house anymore. And I was as good as dead to him. If I ever came back, he said, he would shoot me dead. 'Shoot me dead' being his exact words."
The two never saw or spoke to each other again.
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